FLUMMOXED!
Okay so today was "weigh and measure day". To be honest, I don't know why I bother, because all it does is make me confused and frustrated and somewhat pissed off.
According to the scale and tape I have gained about 5 pounds, gained 1/2 inch on my waist, lost 1 inch off my belly and gained nearly 2 inches across my ass.
Now, this confuses me because I know I am slimmer. My clothes tell me so - my jeans especially. I can wear them straight out of the dryer now with no flab hanging over the top. And they are not tight in the ass so I don't know where that 2 inches is. Jimmy even commented the other day that my waist looks smaller and my butt looks smaller and tighter. So there! I know it's true!
I have been around the block enough times to know that you can't always trust what the scale and tape say. The human body is a mystery -- it does what it does and none of makes any sense for the most part.
So what is my plan? Because I am obviously farther from my goals now, according to the numbers. Well, for starters:
I am going to start eating every 3 hours. When I lost 45 pounds 2 years ago, I did it by eating. Imagine that! But yes -- you have to eat to make your body burn calories. Right now I think I eat enough, however I don't space it out properly so I probably end up eating too much at one time. So, it's back to breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner for me. This will keep me (A) never feeling hungry and (B) never overeating at mealtime.
I am also increasing my fluid intake. I know I don't drink enough water and that could explain 2 to 4 pounds right there.
I am going to have to suck it up and stop "cheating" so much if I want to be smaller. A cookie or two (or three) here, a Dr. Pepper there..... before you know it, it adds up and I have a tendency to rationalize it away. I will stop that, at least during the week and save the "treats" for the weekend, if then.
My exercise has been fairly good, but yes, there is room for improvement there. I've been managing to workout 4 or 5 days per week usually 5. I will make that a solid 5 for certain -- maybe 6.
I will weigh and measure in two weeks (on Feb. 14th, what a great Valentine's gift that should be) and see if today was just an anomaly or if I truly am a mutant.
Now, I am trying to be really normal about this entire thing and not let it bother me. I know that I should be in this for reasons other than my weight and size. I know that. And I am. I do like working out and how it feels to just feel capable and strong. I am into that. I am already making gains in strength and ability -- all I have to do is count reps to see that.
I am just typically female and, like every other woman out there, I want the physical to reflect that.
Onward and upward, right? :o\
Through the door, into the Light
Today my thoughts are with someone who this past week took a big step and opened the door to a second chance. I hope and pray that she'll go through that door and follow the path of Light before her, for her destiny is not to live in darkness and pain. She was wonderfully created -- as are we all -- and she's here to to live in joy and happiness and to be forever a shining example of our Father's Glory!
To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they're not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away
You don't have to hide
You don't have to hide anymore
You don't have to face this on your own
You don't have to hide anymore
So come out, come out, come out wherever you are
To anyone who's tryin' to cover up their scars
To anyone who's ever made a big mistake
We've all been there, so don't be ashamed
Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You've been alone for way too long
You don't have to hide
You don't have to hide anymore
You don't have to face this on your own
You don't have to hide anymore
And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him
(--- "hide" by joy williams)
HI KATHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was brought to my attention that my friend Kathy (member of the infamous Gulls, my confidant and faith mentor and all around good for a guffaw girl) has my Blog as her computer's homepage. This puts a lot of pressure on me to write up something on a near daily basis, so that she will be highly entertained. For that alone is my purpose. To entertain. But... I digress....
I wish I had a picture of Kathy to post on here. Hmmmmmmmm. If I dig around I bet I can find one. I may amend this entry later to add a photo. Perhaps I can find the famous "John the Baptist head on a platter" photo of Kathy taken as a Senior picture in 1985. Ahhhhhhhh the memories. Just thinking of that one brings a giggle.
Don't worry Kathy. I would never post that here for the world to see. *wink... nudge*
Just imagine what life would be like if Kathy had never moved to Texas. *gasp!* I cannot imagine. I do not want to go there. Life would just not be the same. I hope that all of you reading this have friends like I do. That is truly a blessing!
Kathy -- I love you!!! This is for you............... *ahem*....... (music begins...)
So truuuuuuuue
Funny how it seeeeeeeeems
Always in time,
but never in line for dreams
Head over heels,when toe to toe
This is the sooooouuuuuund of my soul
This is the soooooouuuuund
I bought a ticket to the world
But now I’ve come back again
Why do I find it hard to write the next line
When I want the truth to be said
Ah ooh oooh oooooohhh Ahhhhhh
I know this much is true
Ah ooh ooh oooohhhh Ahhhh
I know this much is
Truuueeee!!!!
My Grandpa
This is my Grandpa and LJ when he was about 3 years old. They are making tomato sauce. That was the year my grandparents' garden put out more cherry tomatoes than you could ever possibly imagine. I remember Grandma asking "What do you want me to make for dinner?" and Grandpa replied, "I don't know, but it better not have any damn tomatoes in it!" Teehee.
When I was growing up, we lived just down the road from my grandparents. Looking back, I see how special this was. My cousins only saw Grandpa a few times a year -- I could see him every day and pretty much did. When I was little, I would spend the night there and always slept in one of his giant, white cotton t-shirts. I remember we couldn't bathe and get ready for bed until after Grandpa did. Later, Grandma told me that this was because when he was a child, he was last in line for a bath and had to use the bathwater left from all the other kids, never fresh, clean water.
He always smelled like Campho-Phenique. He wore coveralls (like in the picture above) every day. The only time I ever remember seeing him in a suit was for his 50th anniversary party. He worked hard and had his own business for years -- it was common to see him screeching around town in his little Ford Courier pickup. This was a sight to see because he was a big man -- 6'4 and probably 250 pounds or better in his hey day.
In his later years, you could find him kicked back in his recliner watching television in the living room. It was always his routine to nap after lunch. I remember one time my brother and I took our tape recorder and recorded his snoring during naptime. When we played it back for him later, he feigned surprise and swore that could not be him making all that racket!
When the smaller grandkids and great grandkids were around, he would mesmerize them with stories of his days "Down on the Pecos with Pancho Villa" (yes, I was a teenager before I figured out these were made up stories! He was convincing!) He would bounce babies on his knee, singing:
Peepin' through the knot-holeof grandpa's wooden leg,
Who'll wind the clock when I'm gone?
Bring me the ax There's a flea in Lizzie's ear,
And a boy's best friend is his mother.
After LJ was born and it was time for me to return to work, Grandpa and Grandma were my "daycare". They doted on LJ -- spoiled him rotten. Grandpa would hold him and sing to him. Grandma would dance around the room with him to her favorite Cajun music (to this day he loves the Zydeco). He was their baby, their special great grandson, until we moved to California when LJ was about 18-months old.
Time marched on -- Grandpa grew older and more frail as the years went by. Eventually, he suffered a stroke that left him partially paralyzed and unable to speak clearly. This was frustrating to him. You could tell he had things to say, but the words just would not come out right. At first, Grandma could help him around the house, but in time he needed a nurse's care to help him in and out of bed or a chair, to use the bathroom and to bathe.
Early one morning, he woke up before Grandma -- and before the nurse arrived -- and tried to get to the bathroom on his own. He fell in the hallway, striking his head on the door frame, breaking his neck. He was rushed to the hospital, where they placed him in a steel "halo" to keep him immobile. My dad called me at work and told us to come -- and come quickly. It was so sad. Grandpa was so weak, so skinny and frail looking in that hospital bed. He was awake, but not very alert, and not saying much. I went in and spoke to him for a few minutes -- he did not respond.
LJ was with us -- he was 13 and just old enough to be able to go in and visit. I'll never forget this: we walked in together, he went to the head of the bed, leaned over and gently said, "Papa, it's me." And Grandpa smiled and whispered, "That's my boy....."
:o)
Grandpa never left the hospital. They did all they could for him, but he was too frail to hang on. He passed on Christmas Day, 2002.
Answers
Dave:
Multiply the number by the reciprocal of the fraction.
Simplify the resulting fraction if possible.
Check your answer: Multiply the result you got by the divisor and be sure it equals the original dividend.
(Or do what I do -- refuse to do math. Buy a calculator.)
Web: Four. Then I always chew 'em up. I'm an impatient hussy.
Heather: It depends on the wood. Pine? Birch? Oak? I need more details.
Friday Ramblings......
The picture above is the Photo of the Day from www.wikipedia.org and depicts a collection of sake barrels. Sake is a Japanese alcoholic beverage, brewed from rice. In Japan, the word simply means alcoholic beverage. As with other alcohol in Japan, sake is poured with the palm of the hand facing down and the back of the hand facing up, particularly when it is poured for another person. Pouring with the palm of the hand facing up is considered rude and is likely to elicit surprise and disapproval.How do you pour something with your palm facing up? I don't get that.And this has nothing to do with my life, I just found it interesting. Maybe I will start doing a "factoid of the day" thing around here.My health and fitness plan is coming right along. I am noticing changes, good changes. Jimmy said he notices them, too. That means I am not hallucinating. Hallelujah! Web asked about my running. Well, it's coming along slowly. My knees bothered me this week quite a bit more than normal, so I only walked yesterday for an hour. Today they feel much, much better, but I won't run again until next week. The running thing is surprising me in that it really isn't that bad once I am warmed up and going. I can now see the peacefulness of it that so many "runners" tell you exists. The key is to run YOUR race...... not theirs. This is why I struggled for so long, I felt I had to do it a certain way, which usually meant running miles and miles as fast as possible without stopping. Well -- no, that isn't my race. That isn't my pace. So I do MY thing and it works. Imagine that. ;o)This week has seemed really long for having a Monday holiday. What's up with that?I still have "vacation fever" but I make myself put it out of my mind because there's no way to fly off to paradise anytime soon. But someday it'll happen. I can wait. I am slightly anxious over finances right now. We have property taxes, some bills we want paid off, our property insurance comes up in May and Jacob needs braces. When I think about all of it in one big bundle it makes me feel nervous. It seems like everytime we start to gain an edge on things, something else comes up. I suppose it is like that for everyone, eh? One thing at at time, it will all work out. It always has.So that's my week. Pretty boring. Hey, some of ya'll should start asking me questions in the comments section, then I could answer them the next day. Like Dear Abby. That would give me something to write about, at least.
It's a nothing day....
Well. I suppose that might offend some since today is MLK day -- what I meant was, for me, it has been a "Do nothing day". I had the day off work. The weather outside is cloudy and windy. It doesn't appear to be very inviting. I have passed most of the day by doing laundry and watching TLC's What Not to Wear or Food Network.
I am somewhat disappointed that the day is not sunny & bright. If it were, I would head for the park. *sigh*
So, it's just a boring, do nothing day for me here at the house.
I'll try to think up something cool to write about tomorrow.
:o)
I'm a trainwreck....
That pic is for Dave & Heather. Because... I'm like dat. Ha!
So I haven't said much lately about my quest for fitness. That is mainly because I have not wanted to jinx myself. It never fails -- if I write or talk about it, then I end up quitting big time!! So I have just kept quiet about it here and elsewhere and just been doing the work. Anyhoo -- I dont want you to think I forgot about it or just blew it off, I have not. I intend to update my stats at the end of the month and I'll report to you then how it is goin.
So, I think my quest right now is to build up the stamina to actually run. I am not built for running -- my legs are like, 1 foot long each. I have a big bosom that heaves and requires 2 sport bras when jumping up and down. My lungs are tiny. I don't have a stride and I run "flat footed". Overall, it is just not pretty. BUT I have asked around and read bits here and there and based on what I'm getting, anyone can run as long as you ease into it correctly.
Which is what I'm working on. Today was a run day. I borrowd LJ's iPod thingie because I figured having music would (A) be a good way to pass the time and (B) DISTRACT ME FROM THE IMMENSE PAIN. hahaha Which it did, but here's what I did. I didnt load anything into it and I didn't want to listen to his stuff so I put it on the local fm Christian radio station, 99.3 the Rock. The afternoon gal plays pretty cool, funky stuff, upbeat so I figured it would get my feet moving, which it did.
But at the end I was just..... so tired and my butt was draggin' let me tell ya. Just then, this song came on by Kirk Franklin called "Lifting it up to You" (I think that's what it was called I could be wrong) Now this song is like 70's soul music -- it almost has a disco groove and well, my feet HAD to get moving. So off I went. That was very, very cool. Just what I needed when I needed it. Which is no surprise because, hey, He's cool like that.
Then I had to laugh because after that I was BEAT, man. I was still running but at this point I'm sure I looked like I was about to start crawling down the street. I had that thick, gluey saliva thing going on, I was finding it hard to breathe but there I was, feet slappin' the pavement and the next song comes on:
"I'm a trainwreck, I'm a trainwreck for You
Oh Lord yes I am now...
trainwreck I'm a trainwreck...."
I just had to laugh -- Yes at that point I WAS a trainwreck. Too funny. He has a sense o' humor too. :o)
Happy Weekend!
Is it summer yet?
I have vacation-itis. It starts usually in January, after the thrill of the holidays is done. It builds as the weeks and months go by, so that by April 1st, I'm about to come out of my skin with desire to get the hell outta Dodge, if you know what I mean.
I dream of warm sun, white sand and blue water. *sigh*
I have to keep dreaming...... for a while anyway................
If you had the life you wanted.....
I heard a quote today that I loved:
"If the life you
wanted to have were a book, it wouldn't be worth reading!"
Yep -- you'd put it down after 3 pages because it would be BORING! A good story requires some excitement, a cliff hanger! You want to read it thinking, "This isn't gonna turn out well at all!" and in the end it does and it makes you glad you read it!
Life's the same way. We all have cliff hangers we'd rather not have. We all face situations we would never
choose for ourselves -- situations where we think to ourselves, "This isn't gonna turn out well! At all!"
But we make it through another day and by grace from above things turn out. Maybe they don't turn out "okay" but they turn out the way they should in the end. Can I get an amen?!
Maybe you lost a job. I did. Maybe you are losing your marriage. I nearly did. Maybe your kids are off on a path they should not be on. Maybe you are fighting a disease. Maybe you are facing serious financial concerns. Maybe you need to lose weight and save your health. Maybe you've just taken one more look at a house that desperately needs cleaning and thought, "Arrrrrggghhh! I just can't take it!"
All things we'd never
choose -- but in the end they make our story one worth reading.
Speaking of stories worth reading: take a moment to read my friend Heather's blog today.
www.aztlgrl.blogspot.com You are guaranteed to laugh and cry -- and maybe be reminded of how we are all stronger than we know when the going gets rough.
Tuesday Random Babblings
Random because I have nothing else on my mind today.... Is it me or does this puppy look like he's about to open a can o' whoop ass? I want a puppy. *sigh*
Know what would be good right now? A Starbucks espresso brownie. Mmmmmm. I am holding out for the weekend to have one.
My friend Heather did her first day of Fitness Boot Camp and it sounds scary and awesome all at the same time. www.aztlgrl.blogspot.com She's going to kick some ass, I know she will.
My friend Dave has a funny blog -- check him out www.dave225.blogspot.com He never fails to bring a smile and a chuckle.
If you want to get all thinky, read my friend Nina's blog. www.neeeenaz.blogspot.com She's a good writer. You might even join us in dressing colorful on the 4th day of the month to honor her mom's wacky style. Bring your Pepsi. Is anyone reading a good book these days? Tell me about it.I guess that's all for now. Just random babblings. Not many of them. That's because I have a small brain. Bet ya didn't know.;o)
SURPRISE!
I got the best surprise on Sunday.
I was sitting in church, in the back row with my friend Amy. We were singing along with the praise band having a good time when this woman walks in and takes the seat directly in front of me. I never saw her face, I just saw her back as she took a seat and I thought, "Wow that looks just like Kathy." Then I glanced down and saw her purse and her Bible (which is covered with an embroidered type cover that has a bear on it) and thought, "Hey that looks amazingly like what Kathy carries around, how bout that." and kept on singing away....
Then the lady turned and gave me a sly grin over her shoulder...... it WAS Kathy!!!
She had driven over an hour to come and go to church with me! She said the look on my face was priceless. We stood in the aisle hugging and crying while the congregation kept on singing. I'm sure they thought we were nutty or somethin' hahaha But oh well! My homegirl was in the house!! As we took our seats and brother Jerry led us all in prayer, I don't even know what he was praying about because I was thanking God for Kathy over and over again.
Kathy...... I met Kathy about 23 years ago when we were sophomores in high school. She became on of the infamous Gulls. She & I have been the best, closest of friends ever since. She is not only my best friend, she is my "faith mentor" (to which she rolls her eyes and says, "Me? You have got to be kidding." haha) She's ...... inquisitive (are you laughing at that one, Kathy?) She's a great listener and a wonderful counselor. She has a way of getting to the heart of a matter. She's direct, but not hurtfully blunt. And she's funny as hell, too.
We spent the entire day together. We went for Mexican food, then just sat and talked and talked and talked. When we get together, we can just talk forever. One day not too long ago we sat at a Kentucky Fried Chicken for nearly 6 HOURS just talking away. I bet the KFC workers thought we were homeless hahaha At the Mexican restaurant, we sat in the parking lot talking and Jimmy had to call me TWICE on my cell phone to tell us to come inside and order our food!! We just get lost in our world of girl talk, she and I.
It was a great surprise and a wonderful way to start off my week. I love her.
:o)
Oh -- and the band played Todd Agnew's "Grace Like Rain" at worship service and it was soooo awesome.
Lighten up!
I figure it's time to leave our worries behind for a bit and lighten up and have some fun......
I just watched the movie "Into the Blue" . Entertaining enough. Action, romance, good looking guys & gals.
It occurs to me while watching the beautiful ocean scenes that I have never snorkeled. I want to snorkel.
Jimmy & I were on a cruise in the Carribean last fall and we didn't snorkel. What sort of people are we??? hmph.
This summer, I want to take another cruise and THIS TIME I am going to snorkel. I don't have the slightest idea how to do it -- I'm not even that great a swimmer and I'm kind of afraid of stuff in the ocean. But, dammit --
I AM GOING TO SNORKEL.What is something you've never tried -- maybe never even
dreamed of trying -- that you want to do? Tell me about it and tell me when you'll do it and how you'll plan for it!
Turning My Face to Him
As I have spent much of the past 24 hours in conversation and prayer with God, it occurs to me that it is truly a challenge to walk with Him daily -- however the reward is great.How empty I feel when I fail to make time for Him daily! It is far to easy to become absorbed in this world we (man) have created for ourselves. I so readily slip into my own little space, worrying about finances, my job, my life. I fight to find solutions to my own small problems, laying out Plans A, B and C in my head, debating with myself over what to do, what to think, how to be..... how to live a life that is rewarding and fullfilling.When all I have to do is turn my face to Him and listen.See, He speaks to me. I know He does -- He always has -- only I am stubborn and full of self-will and forget to listen. This morning, as I drove to work, filled with sadness for my friend Lori, concern for another friend's teen daughter and disappointment over my job situation, He threw me a lifeline by way of a song:And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I can’t be a light unless I turn my face to you
(You Are the Sun by Sara Groves www.saragroves.com)
Oh how I want to shine! I am nothing but an empty shell without Him. My life is not my own anymore. I turned my all over to Him the day I jumped into the waiting arms of Christ Jesus. I am pitifully unworthy........ I have so little to give. Yet He continues to fill me with hope and light, He is forever faithful, guiding my way with His mighty hand. My face is turned to Him today. I pray that I will turn to Him each day and not be sucked into the worries and fears of this world.I wish the same for you.
Jeremiah 30:17 "For I will restore health unto you, and I will heal you of your wounds, saith the Lord."
I met Lori Arlene Roberts in the 3rd grade. We quickly became the best of friends, ready to play "Jaws" on the playground or even sit out recess together in a show of solidarity when one of us got in trouble. We were in and out of each other's lives and classes until 7th grade. That's when our friendship solidified itself and we became each other's confidante and partner-in-crime. And we've been friends ever since.In junior high, you could find me at Lori's house or on the phone with her on a regular basis. I don't remember ever washing the dishes (that was "my" assigned chore) without the phone hanging off my neck and her giggling on the other end of the line. We shared a love for late night phone chats while watching David Letterman. We shared a love of music and weekly wrote out our favorite "Top 10" lists. And we adored the Rolling Stones to the point that we were going to marry them one day. No, we had no idea at the time how old they were. (haha) We made brownies together in Home Ec (like cutting an elephant with a spoon). We were inseperable.High school came along and we remained the best of friends -- but the circle widened and we became a group of 6 over time. (These are the "Gulls" I have mentioned in previous entries. ) Together, we forged thru the high school years. We were on the Flag Corps together. We drove "the drag" together. We saved our lunch money, starving for days, so that we could buy tickets to see Billy Squier in concert (with opening act: Saga!) Lori was always in the thick of it all. She had a car, a job and more freedom than maybe the rest of us had (certainly more than I). We were there when her prom dress got sewed together inside out (remember that, gals?) and we were there for the time she cut her own bangs the night before class pictures (centimeter bangs!). After high school, we had a time where we all sort of drifted our own ways. I got married (Lori was a bridesmaid) I moved to California with Jimmy (he joined the Army). Lori wrote to me regularly -- she was my link to home in many ways. She was, at that time, in an abusive relationship and got pregnant with twin boys. Most of the abuse was kept from me -- she always was trying to protect me from stuff like that. She gave birth to 2 beautiful boys and kicked out the chump who fathered them.Lori's tough. She went it alone with twin babies for a time. She held things together for her boys. I always knew she'd be a great mom -- and she is. She's like a tiger with cubs -- don't cross her! :o) There came a day when she met Ricky. Finally, a good man who wanted to treat her like she deserved! They married and had little Mason (now age 3) and Sydney (now about 18 mos).Did I say Lori's tough? She is. While pregnant with Sydney, she found out she had thyroid cancer. She waited until it was safe during her pregnancy to have treatments and surgery. We held our breath the entire time. But she sailed through it and gave birth to a perfect baby girl.Flash forward to today: The cancer is back. Recent scans find "activity" in her neck, chest and abdomen. It isn't right. It isn't fair. She's doing everything the doctors say to do. She's having the treatments (radiation treatment, which keeps her from being near her children for weeks at a time). Everything looks clear for a while....... then we get the news that it's back. It isn't right.She's 38 years old. She's got a loving husband and together they work to eke out a living and raise their kids in a good family. She's got twin boys who are now....... what? 12 years old? She's got little Mason and little Sydney, cutest kids ever. After all she's been through....... this isn't right. It just isn't.There is no way I can do our friendship justice in just a few paragraphs, but I hope I've given you some insight into who Lori is to me. She's more than just a friend -- she's my sister. All the Gulls are. And it's at this time that we are circling together in prayer, asking God to heal our friend. Now, you don't know Lori -- to you she's just a person you read about. But think about your dearest, closest friends and what you would do for them. Pray for my friend. Please.
One door closes.... another opens..... hopefully.....
Well, hell. I just was told after today I no longer have my part-time job at the bank.
One of the other girls just graduated college and they had promised to put her on as full-time when that day came. That day is here -- and due to them having 3 full timers now, they no longer need a part-timer. At least, that was the decree from home office.
So -- I'm out.
This sucks because (A) I like it here and (B) I like the schedule I had set up. Now I'm not sure where or what I'm going to do. I have a lead on a full-time position that would be really cool and a great place to work amongst friends, however... I don't want to give up my present position. Part-time work is hard to come by, though, especially when you are picky about the hours.
*sigh*
Oh well. That's life. I am an optimist by nature. Although I'm flummoxed right now, tomorrow will dawn bright and cheery, with new opportunities. I just have to listen and watch and see what is meant to be.....
